No one really wants to live in a fantasy world. Yet we all do it to some extent. Getting lost in a spicy romantic novel, listening to an interesting podcast, audio book, or binging several episodes on any of the gazillion streaming sites. The marketing world competes for our attention by tempting us with fantasy, make-believe, and the dream world. It’s an invitation to leave this world, escape, and move away from reality. Is it all bad?
I have to admit that I sometimes indulge in a good book or an action thriller on Netflix. In fact, since Covid, watching something at the end of my day has become routine. And when I get sleepy, I head into my bedroom for my bedtime yoga routine. I’m out like a light.
The Tantric Revolution is about two things, 1.) The conscious choice to stop running away from ourselves or the world, and 2.) Choosing to turn towards ourselves, to look within, to know what’s in our heart. Tantra means to weave, like a weaver’s loom. It’s how we weave ourselves with the world.
A close friend of mine said that when they first heard this teaching they stopped running away from their life. They began the process of facing themselves, their choices, their disappointments, and regrets. It was a cathartic process of coming to grips with reality. But what really hit home for this person was not just stopping running away from life but turning toward the self. The process of being with ourselves, accepting who we are, without judging ourselves, is when the transformation happens.
Tantra is the invitation to embrace reality and release fantasy, release the veil of conditioning that we’re all subject to.
Our conditioning makes us who we are, yet we are much more than that. We need to trust ourselves, trust life, and realize there are no “wrong” decisions, only choices. No mistakes, only learning and growth.
I always refer to my jazz training because in jazz, there are no mistakes, only solos!
Why? How? Because everything in life is for your awakening. The universe doesn’t make mistakes. You are not a mistake. Life is happening for you, never to you. You are on a journey of becoming. We live in a perfectly unfinished universe of becoming. You are perfectly imperfect just as you are!
Embracing reality takes courage and commitment. Courage is the emotion of the heart, in French, “coeur” means heart. Courage is our capacity to face difficulty, danger, or pain without letting fear get in the way and without being deflected from a chosen course of action.
It takes courage to rise up out of “victim consciousness” into “victory consciousness.”
Victim consciousness is the notion that life is happening to you. The same bad stuff keeps happening to you over and over again. When you’re in victim mode, you are disempowered. It’s a dead end. The victim has no agency. Victory consciousness is the notion that life is happening for you. Fate is what’s given to you. But destiny is what you do with it. You have agency. You are a co-participator with grace. You matter. You have a say.
Surrender – acceptance of what is as it is, is one of the best strategies for embracing reality.
I’ll never forget when I turned 35 and I looked in the mirror first thing in the morning. I was shocked because my forehead had grown an inch! My hairline was receding! It took me years to accept it. I’m still working on accepting that I’m losing my hair and that one day I may just go bald. I wouldn’t be alone, that’s for sure. But that would be pretty surprising online wouldn’t you say? If I showed up on screen one day with suddenly no hair? Let this be a fair warning! ☺
Consider the subtle distinction between having a fantasy and having a dream for your life. Fantasy involves running away from reality. Dreaming involves moving toward yourself, toward what you want to create. Although fantasy can provide temporary relief from pain, it usually postpones and prolongs it. It doesn’t make it go away.
Living your dream comes from the core of your heart when you ask the question, “What does my heart most deeply desire?”
You are here to live your dream, bring forth your gifts, follow your heart, and bring your deepest desires into manifestation. When you realize that you’re living your dream you suddenly get really happy. That’s what’s happened to me.
When I first moved into the ashram, I had a dream to bring meaning to my life. To live a life of purpose, to heal, to know myself, to move toward freedom, and serve others. A life devoted to spiritual practice, environmental sustainability, and kindness. I still hold this dream dear to my heart. It’s just that the circumstances changed. I thought I would live the rest of my years at Kripalu since we were promised lifetime care. The residents and I used to joke about sitting in our rocking chairs at 90 out on the front terrace reminiscing about our ashram life.
Well, that was a fantasy! It never happened. But what did happen is that the dream I dedicated myself to has been and is being fulfilled in other ways, through Ashaya Yoga and through my practice and study of the Tantra. I’m living my dream and I’m so grateful to all those who’ve supported me and who are living their dream too!
Fantasy is living a lie. Eventually you have to come down to earth.
I’m not saying that my 13 years of ashram living was entirely a fantasy. But it didn’t last. I was spit back out into the world to grapple with all of the stress and problems that guests who would come to Kripalu would be able to let go of temporarily. And we Kripalu residents had our own type of suffering – living with over 250 brothers and sisters wasn’t always a cake walk. My point is that no matter what life circumstance you may find yourself in, you have to ask yourself, “Am I living in reality or fantasy?”
What I’ve found is that when I choose reality, a paradox happens. I find that all of my dreams come true. The fantasy appears as an obstacle to reality. In the beginning the fantasy is so bright and full of promise. But then it fades and becomes dull in comparison to reality. So, choose reality.
When I was a resident at Kripalu cutting vegetables in the kitchen, I had no idea that I would develop my own yoga method and be surrounded by such amazing practitioners and heart followers! My dream has come true beyond my wildest imagination!
You need to keep dreaming. Just be aware if your dream is about running away from something. It if is, Tantric Revolutionize it. Stop running first. Then turn toward yourself second. Surrender, accept what is, and reset.
You’re invited to participate in the Tantric Revolution with me and Douglas Brooks starting March 3, you can learn more and register here.
May you step out of your fantasies and into reality. Because when you truly move toward yourself with love, acceptance, and compassion, the universe swoops in to help you. In the vibration of reality, you’ll have no need to escape because the pain isn’t as painful as you thought, and you’ve faced your fears with courage and commitment before. You can do it again.
And when you do that, as Patanjali says in Sutra 1.1, “Now together may the practice of yoga begin.” Now you’re ready to live your dream.
Namaste,
Todd
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