I absolutely love the Five Elements! Each element brings such depth of meaning, both esoterically and practically speaking, to help us come home to the heart, flow in the current of grace, and make more sense of this earthly existence.
The water element, Ap, is especially profound in that water takes you back to the source of the universe. All water finds its way back to the source in the ocean. Rivers, lakes, streams, and water from the air eventually finishes its journey in the vastness of the ocean. So too our soul’s journey starts from the eternal infinite source of all that is, nourishes us during this brief moment of embodiment, then continues on in its eternal, infinite journey after this body finishes.
All of our emotions can be found in the water element.
The breath, in its wavelike motion in the lower belly, continually brings in new life force energy, sustains us, and cleanses us by the release of toxins in the exhalation. The breath is associated with different emotional states. For instance, when we experience fear, our breath gets faster and shallower almost like panting. High states of anxiety have a similar breath pattern. When we experience the emotional state of inner peace and calm, the breath slows down and becomes smooth and regulated.
One of the most empowering teachings of the Tantra that I heard recently in the Tantric Revolution: Thriving with an Open Heart in a Precarious World, with Tantric scholar Douglas Brooks and myself, is that every single emotion we feel has a power and a force of shakti in it. We are Rasikas, tasters of life. Rasa means to taste. It also means full of juice and flavorful. One of goals of the Tantra is not just to do something, achieve something, but to let go and be. “Savor the flavor” of the moment you’re having because YOU are the point the universe is making.
Wow! When I heard this teaching, something deep inside of me let go. Anxiety has power. It’s a force of nature that I believe is there to offer guidance and wisdom. Anxiety points to the feeling of doubt, we don’t know what’s going to happen next. We don’t know how we feel. There’s a bit of confusion. What’s powerful about this state is that in the process of not knowing, if we can simply let go and allow ourself to not know, to feel our anxiety and be present to it, we’ll discover a world of power, wisdom, and deep intuition that points to what we value most, what’s most meaningful in our life.
We need to listen to our emotions for the emotions are the body’s guidance system and always point to their resolution in the heart. Just as rivers, lakes, and streams ultimately return to the ocean, our feelings and emotions bring us home to the heart.
During my meditation practice the other day, I had one of the most profound, life-changing experiences I’ve had in a long time. I felt an uneasy feeling in my belly, which felt like anxiety. I allowed myself to explore this and what I discovered is that way down deep in my being was my younger, lesser-evolved self clinging to a rope, like a climbing rope, thick twine with a handle on it. He wasn’t just holding on, he was clinging with his whole body so tightly he was hardly breathing, turning red in the face. I approached him and just let my presence be known to him. I felt his struggle and his pain. Then I asked him, “What are you clinging to?” He told me that we was clinging to his parents. That he didn’t want them to leave. I suddenly flashed on an early childhood memory of one of the first times my parents got me a babysitter so they could go out to dinner without the kids. I remember crying hysterically as my dad handed me off to the babysitter. I must have been around 1 or 2 years old. The experience is as vivid as if it were happening now.
I was too young to understand that even parents need a break from parenting once in a while. That they too get to take care of themselves. I understand that now. But back then, it felt as though they were being ripped out of my heart. Then I flashed to another moment later when I was around 18 and my dad divorced my mom. He just left. I’m not sure what he said or didn’t say to her. But he said nothing to me and very little to my sister. He just left without any explanation.
For whatever reason, and I don’t blame him, he wasn’t able to express himself. I’m grateful that many years later I was able to talk this through with him. But during the meditation I saw that same little boy inside of me clinging to the rope. I didn’t want my dad to leave. But he did leave. Life happens. And we get to explore our feelings and be present to ourselves. I saw my adult self standing by my little boy’s side with so much compassion, acceptance, and love. I told him, “That was then and this is now. I will never leave you. I’m here forever for you, with you, by your side.”
What happened next brought tears streaming out of my eyes. That little boy released his grip on the rope and looked into my eyes as if to say, I see you. I love you. I receive your love. Then we embraced and he grabbed onto me so tightly that I could hardly breathe. This was a breakthrough moment for me. I realized that my clinging was the fear that I wouldn’t be loved, that I would be left alone, that no one would be there for me.
In our humanness, we all have an innate longing for love and belonging, to know that we matter to someone else.
This is part of the positive mirroring we’re supposed to receive from our parents. But for reasons large and small, parents are perfectly imperfect, just like us, and they can’t always provide what we need.
I believe the spiritual journey is about shining our own loving presence into our heart, to hold all parts of ourselves, light and shadow, and to be there for ourselves. To not give up and go away but to stay the course. The Tantric Revolution in essence is about turning toward the self and the world, not running away and hiding.
This meditative visceral experience of letting go of the grip I had on life, has huge implications for me. It’s the realization that it’s safe to let go. It’s time to trust the bigger energy and trust myself to be there for me at all times even when others can’t be there for me, to see my life with eyes of empathy and compassion.
I believe this realization came to me as a gift from the water element. I was able to notice the feeling of clinging, fear, anxiety, doubt, and take a closer look. I know for certain now, that anxiety, and probably all emotions, are powers not problems, forces, not fantasies, sourced in the reality of the ocean of being. Emotions are here to carry us ever so gently into the ocean of our heart, if we could allow them.
To face and feel our feelings takes courage! It’s the courage to be vulnerable, to let go of the grip, to release control. Water is the perfect tool to help us soften our resistance to life, soften the fear of being alone, and support us to let go of clinging to love outside of ourselves. When we can let go, water becomes the solvent to the soul.
May your meditations be deep. May you practice the water element and flow in the current of grace. May you discover that your emotions have power. May you have the courage to be vulnerable, feel your feelings, and be present to the wisdom, knowledge, compassion, and wholeness that’s already there. See you on the mat or live, in-person at a workshop!
Namaste,
Todd
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