I believe that the heart has a secret power to be resilient, to bounce back from exhaustion, trauma, or hurt. When you’re in the hurt, though, it’s hard to believe that life would ever change and that you’d no longer feel the way you’re feeling. Hurt conceals the power of the heart to bounce back.
According to Webster’s, resiliency is the ability of something to return to its original size or shape after being compressed or deformed. It’s an ability to recover from or adjust easily to adversity or change.
Resiliency requires a certain amount of surrender.
Remember that surrender is the acceptance of what is as it is. Acceptance breeds resilience. Yet, sometimes, we feel so low that we can’t even surrender. We need a cosmic intervention; we need interference from another dimension.
In the Bhagavad Gita, which is one of the most popular epic life narratives, written some two thousand years ago, Arjuna, the warrior, goes with Krishna, who is God posing as his friend, in the chariot to the middle of the battlefield to see up close who he’ll be fighting. When he sees that on the other side of the field are his teachers, mentors, family members and friends, he refuses to fight.
Arjuna sits down in the chariot in utter resignation. Krishna tries to console him and encourage him to do his dharma – he must do what’s best for the greater good and for himself. Krishna is telling Arjuna, and all of us, that we must face our inner battles in life. Sitting down, resigning, refusing to fight is not allowed. Yes, as free beings, we can choose not to address some painful situation that’s presenting itself now. But inaction is still an action.
We can’t not act.
Refusing to act is an action that is less skillful than the action of facing the pain. Facing the pain allows you to avoid becoming the victim, feeling disempowered, and needing to put on a façade both for yourself and for others.
Krishna is saying that as difficult as it is, we must align with nature and stand up. The heart is resilient. But it needs our willingness to rise up and act virtuously. This is what defines our character.
The heart has the infinite capacity to face danger, difficulty, and pain without being distracted or deflected from a chosen course of action. This the definition of courage, the emotion of the warrior. “Cour” comes from Latin referring to the heart. We must choose to fight our battles and solve the problems that show up in our life. Otherwise, we push them deeper into the subconscious where they fester and create a life of their own in the form of self-compromising tendencies – doubt, shame, guilt, jealousy, anger, and unworthiness, to name a few. And this is how we sow seeds of regret.
What does it take to be resilient and get back up? I say it takes at least two things: 1. a willingness to open to grace and, 2. the effortful act to choose to get up, choose to face the pain, choose to heal, choose to do the right thing. The problem with choosing to do the right thing is that pain can be compounded when the heart is attached to the thing it wants or feels it needs in order to be whole.
For example, it’s like considering what you might want to do when you retire. If your dream is to travel once you retire, but your knees are too weak or your finances are low because of an unexpected emergency that had to be dealt with, then you’re stuck. You can’t do what you were planning to do. Your suffering, however, will be commensurate with the depth of your attachment to your plan.
Drawing from Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, the way I see it is that the equation for resiliency really involves three steps: 1. Surrender, 2. Discernment, 3. Action. These are the last three Niyamas, 8, 9, and 10. We start with the 10th Niyama, Ishvara Pranidhana (surrender to the lord), then the 9th, Swadhyaya (self-study), and the 8th, Tapas (heat, austerity, longing for freedom, longing to act to bring about change).
In Ashaya terms: Surrender is the Heart. Discernment is the Head. Action is the Body.
Ishvara Pranidhana is the choice to soften and release control. We try to control so much in life. Trying to control the uncontrollable is the leading cause of stress and exhaustion. Swadhyaya is the practice of understanding oneself through self-observation, examination, penetrating insight, and weighing all of the information. Swadhyaya gets us more connected to our values and to what’s most important to us. Here we need to penetrate to the heart of the matter. Cut through confusion and see the truth. Where am I attached? Where am I still holding on? What am I holding on to? What would it feel like to let go? Where would I land? Would I be better off?
The answer to these questions is almost always that you’ll be better off letting go because that’s what the heart needs in order to be able to bounce back. We need to get out of our own way and allow the heart to do what it does best, contract and expand!
Tapas is so important because it is the energy of action. We have no choice but to act. To do something. To light a fire and make a change. Tapas means heat or austerity and it encompasses the energy needed to shift a particular way of thinking that is not helpful. To shift any attachment or pattern of clinging, we need the fire to transform it, to release, to let go, and see through our self-created suffering. Also, the notion that there are no wrong choices in the universe can be very helpful to stimulate action. Never any mistakes, only learning.
So, it’s time to rise up, to stand up in your chariot, in your body, and choose to do the right thing, the virtuous thing, the thing that is difficult to do but that you know is the right choice for your life. Remember, challenges only come when you’re ready for a promotion. (Consider rising up and joining the Ashaya Membership. From Jan. 1-31 we’re running a special incentive that when you sign up, you can bring a friend for free!)
Here’s one of my recent challenges. I’ve been so bummed out that for the last few weeks, we’ve had all of this cold weather, but no snow. For weeks, I haven’t been able to ski in my area. I’ve been very sad and seemingly a victim of my attachment to skiing! After venting and ranting for a few days, I remembered the 3 steps to resiliency. I surrendered which is the acceptance of what is as it is, without any blame or regret. The weather is how it is and it’s no one’s fault.
Next, I discerned what it is that I really desire. Well of course, I desire to skate ski and get the amazing high I feel from the aerobics. But in essence, I desire the aerobics, the fresh air, sunshine, getting into nature, and the workout. Once I established what my desire actually was, separate from the specific form it should take, I decided to act. I went out for a jog. It was freezing cold, but I didn’t care because I dressed for it. And guess what? I got the fresh air, the sunshine, the workout, and being in nature. When I returned home, I was refreshed. I felt high. I found my resilience and I slept really well that night!
Resiliency is your true nature, and every cell is waiting for you to let go of your attachments and step into reality, the present moment, the current of grace, which has no attachments, only flow. Resilience guides you into the place in the middle, the Madhya, where Soma (wholeness, nectar, healing) flows. Without resilience, there’s no Soma.
I’d like to share with you some questions I asked myself when I was feeling stuck and not resilient. It helped me let go and find my way back into my heart.
Questions to Contemplate:
· What activities enhance your ability to bounce back?
· What blocks your ability to bounce back?
· What attachments keep you from experiencing your full resilience?
· What are you afraid would happen if you let go of those attachments?
· Is that really true?
· What would be the possibility for your life if you were able to release whatever holds you back from finding your resiliency?
· What healthy self-boundaries do you need to put in place to obtain or maintain your resilience?
May you release your attachments and find more resilience in your life – resilience to bounce back, to follow your heart, and bring more light, love, and joy into your life!
Namaste,
Todd
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